Talk:Mass Effect (video game)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 20:41, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

I like how the article looks. Let's see how we can get it to status. Cognissonance (talk) 20:41, 21 October 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• critical acclaim — Per Metacritic: "universal acclaim".

I don't think the game qualifies for "universal acclaim" because the PC and PS3 versions received "generally favorable" reviews according to Metacritic, so it's 2 vs 1. The game also received a fair amount of criticism by multiple publications, and Metacritic scores should not be used as a barometer in order to prove whether it's "universal acclaim" or not because individual scores can be pretty inconsistent.

Gameplay

• "which depend on the class the player chose" — Present tense consistency: "which depend on the class chosen by the player".

Fixed

• "each class is only effective on the weapons" — Improve prose: "each class is only effective with the weapons".

Fixed

• "Most of the game's main quests are combat missions, while secondary quests generally involve the player gathering items or interacting with non-player characters" is identical to what it says in the lead. Rewrite so that it presents the information differently.

Done

Combat

• "the player can pause the action to show up the squad's user interface" — Simplify: "the player can pause the action to display the squad's user interface".

Fixed

• "the player can use grenades which can latch" — Minimize repetition: "the player can use grenades which latch".

Fixed

Synopsis

Setting and characters

• Commander Shepard — Link to Commander Shepard

Already wikilinked in the Gameplay sections. It is not recomended to duplicate wikilinks in the body, per Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Linking.

• Consider adding the images of Mark Meer and Jennifer Hale from the character's Wiki to illustrate the text.

Done

Plot

• "There, Shepards learns that" — Correction: "There, Shepard learns that".

Fixed

Development

• "originally for the Xbox successor, the Xbox 360" — Simplify: "originally for its successor, the Xbox 360".

Fixed

• "and having a big technological basis" — Minimize repetition: "and having a considerable technological basis".

Done

• "This approach allows us to create that kind of truly unprecedented level of intensity and cinematic power, while giving the player as much customization and role-playing ability as we've ever offered before" should be paraphrased.

Done

• Amped News Xbox 360 (source 18) doesn't connect to the original url. Add the parameter deadurl=yes to the code so it links to the archived version.

Done

• "create conversations where characters would converse" — Minimize repetition: "create conversations where characters would speak".

Fixed

• "Creating a big sense of discovery was a major goal" — Minimize repetition: "Creating a great sense of discovery was a major goal".

Fixed

• Add deadurl=yes to source 25 as well.

Done

• An image of either lead writer Drew Karpyshyn or composer Jack Wall needs to be inserted.

Added an image of Jack Wall

• "Although each of the game's planets" — Minimize repetition: "Despite that each of the game's planets".

Changed it to "Despite of the fact that + [sentence]" as "Despite that + [sentence]" is not correct.

• "and Karpyshyn had to make sure" — Improve prose: "and it behoved Karpyshyn to make sure".

Done

• "the amount of volume they had to write" — Improve prose: "the amount of volume required of them to write".

I don't think "required of them to write" is gramatically correct. It doesn't sound right in my opinion.

• "were major influences on the atmosphere" — Minimize repetition: "were significant influences on the atmosphere".

Done

• "marry the electronic instrument palatte" — Clarify: "marry the electronic instrument palatte [sic]". You may also link to Sic.

Done

• "Although a total of 110 minutes of music was written" — Minimize repetition: "While a total of 110 minutes of music was written".

Done

Marketing and release

• Xbox 360 — Link to Xbox 360

Already wikilinked in the Development section.

Downloadable content

• IGN — Link to IGN

Already wikilinked in the Marketing and release section.

• Microsoft Windows — Link to Microsoft Windows

Already wikilinked in the Marketing and release section.

• "divided up into four" — Simplify: "divided into four".

Done

Reception

• "Mass Effect received critical acclaim" — Per Metacritic: "Mass Effect received universal acclaim".

Same as above

• IGN — Link to IGN

Already wikilinked in the Marketing and release section.

• "The publication also criticized cast of characters" — Improve flow: "The publication also criticized the cast of characters".

Fixed

• Eurogamer — Link to Eurogamer

Already wikilinked in the Downloadable content section.

• "which confuses players before they know what the main game is all about" — WP:POV: "observing that it would confuse players before being privy to what the main game was about".

I prefer "observing that it would confuse players before they know what the main game is about" because it's simpler.

• "did not blend well with its action elements" — Minimize repetition: "did not blend well with its action".

Done

• "but the Mako sections were criticized" — Minimize repetition: "but the Mako sections were disparaged".

Done

Accolades

• "their list of The Top 25" — Improve flow: "their list of Top 25".

Done

Controversy

• "came under fire" can be made more formal with "came under scrutiny".

Fixed

• "Kevin McCullough, who employed false statements such as" — WP:POV: "Kevin McCullough, who employed statements such as"

Done

Sequel

• "With the use of a completed saved game" — Clarify: "With the import of a completed saved game".

Done

• "received numerous year-end awards" — Minimize repetition: "received multiple year-end awards".

Done

• Industry Gamers (source 115) was 404 Not Found and needs the deadurl=yes parameter.

Done

Overall

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

   Sources 18, 25 and 115 need repair.

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

   Solely in reference to reception and controversy sections.

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

   Not where possible.

7. Overall: It doesn't take much to improve the article and satisfy... The Criteria. Putting it on hold for now.

   Pass/Fail:

   @Niwi3: Cognissonance (talk) 00:01, 22 October 2016 (UTC)

Thank you for your detailed and excellent review, really appreciated. I fixed most of the issues you brought up and left some comments above. Please let me know what you think. Thanks! --Niwi3 (talk) 12:17, 22 October 2016 (UTC)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

   Pass/Fail:

   @Niwi3: All is sated. Cognissonance (talk) 15:38, 22 October 2016 (UTC)